My all-time favorite podcast launched its second season this past week.
The podcast is Wiser Than Me, hosted by actress and comedian Julia Louis-Dreyfes.
If you are unfamiliar with the premise, Julia interviews a different woman each week who is older than her (so women in their 70s, 80s, or 90s). Julia asks these women to “school her” on everything they have learned about life, work, and relationships.
I find every episode to be a total delight - kinda like listening in as two wise and introspective women chat on a cozy couch.
The first episode of season two features actress Sally Field - now 77 years old - and omg… it’s so good.
Sally talks about her impressive career and the lucky breaks she had along the way.
She talks about her children and grandchildren.
She talks about her lifelong battle with social anxiety and shyness.
And she also talks a bit about her 2018 memoir, In Pieces, in which she bravely shared some of the trauma and abuse she endured as a child.
During the interview with Julia, Sally shared that it took her a long time - until she was in her late 60s - to reflect on the trauma she experienced as a child.
She said that when something reminded her of her painful childhood, she would quickly put it away and say to herself, “I can’t look at that right now. I can’t think about that right now.”
Julia asked Sally if this tendency to not look at painful things has been a pattern throughout her life, and Sally said, “Yes, I think it has. I learned a mechanism to deal with hard things: to separate parts of myself and only cope with things I knew I could handle.”
Sally went on to say something really poignant. She said, “The brain is incredibly creative. The brain figures out ways to help the child survive. The task of being a grown-up is to realize what garment you knit for yourself to survive the winter of your childhood.”
Sally then said, “As adults in the summer of our lives, those garments get really hot - and you begin to realize that you are wearing a garment you no longer need.”
She goes on to say, “It takes a really good therapist to help you see how a pattern you learned during childhood is no longer serving you. Instead, the garment is in your way, and it’s making you suffer.”
Sally’s words really hit home with me.
Lately, I’ve been looking deeply at some of my own patterns - things like avoiding conflict, fear of rejection, and seeking external validation. These are the garments I often put on to keep me from experiencing pain, discomfort, and grief.
I’ve begun to feel the weight of these garments - realizing that they are no longer serving me and are actually beginning to feel quite heavy.
I’ve come to realize that, for me, now is the time to look at these things - to gain a deeper understanding of these patterns and to begin shedding the protective layers I no longer need.
Last week, I came across a poem from the book, When The Waves Come, by MAIA, that said this:
I am eager to come home to myself - to uncover both the beauty and the sadness that is embedded in the women I have been before - and to use these insights as a teacher and a guide for the woman I am becoming next.
Does the idea of shedding old garments resonate with you?
If this brings any thoughts or reflections to mind, I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to respond here or shoot me an email and share your thoughts.
Warmly,
Rachel
Rachel McCrickard, LMFT
CEO/Co-Founder, Motivo
rachel@motivohealth.com
This is beautiful
I loved this one from you so much!